Women. We all do it. We all deny compliments, give until we can’t, and tell ourselves we aren’t good enough. It’s become part of the norm for women as we see constantly compare online “perfect” women who seem to have 90 hours in a day. Today I’m going to encourage and be a little harsh about things we all need to work on.. together. Let’s hold one another accountable and be there for other women. it’s tough and we should be telling ourselves wonderful things because we are strong, capable, passionate women.
The first is accepting compliments.I know many want to come across as humble and so denying compliments and encouragement seems like the right way to do that. I’m here to say, that’s the first step we need to take.. accepting compliments. I recently came across and video and book that described what happens when we deny compliments. Here’s the example. Let’s say a friend gets you a physical gift. Would you say no and deny it completely? Then why do we deny a gift from their lips? One that they willingly and want to give you, to encourage you? I still am working on this, but I will tell you it changed me slowly. I accept compliments, I let them sink in and in time, it gives me an extra boost so that I can pass on love to someone else. What a beautiful thing. Allowing our love tanks to be filled so we can give it back to people. I’m going to challenge you to accept compliments. There’s nothing else you have to say aside from “thank you.” Then let it sink in that they BELIEVE it and you should too.
No this doesn’t make humility go away. In fact I think it shows great character when I hear another woman accept my compliment whether I’ve never met her, or have known her for years. It’s confidence building, self-love building words to keep for your heart. Sometimes to remind yourself on those days we can’t go on, can’t get up, and have no energy.. you reach down and somehow find a little motivation because you accepting that gift.
The second thing we as women need to do is take care of ourselves. I don’t mean exercise 6 hours a day and only eat clean food and ignore our families to get pedicures. I mean take a little time to do what gives you energy and helps your grow. Myself- I need alone time. I need space sometimes. I do grow confidence in the gym, but there are other ways. I take some time to read and to reach out to people. Whether it’s because you need them, or they need you. It’s okay and necessary to take care of you. Again, to give more to your family, you need that tank filled or at least not completely empty. It’s not selfish. It’s self respect. (And no I don’t mean look perfect going out or even showering everyday. I’m sitting here wearing flannel and grandpa slippers and I have no intention of showering today.) Today I’m reading, praying, and then going on with things I need to do. I do this to grow for me but also when someone needs me I'm able to give back.
The third thing we all need to work on is how we speak to ourselves. Whether it’s in the mirror or aloud to others. I’m not saying fake it till you make it. But words become thoughts and vice versa and we’re thinking and telling ourselves things we would NEVER tell ones we love. I have days where I can’t see the good in myself. Usually this correlates with hormones. Anyone other women experience this craziness I all girl brain? This is when I reach into my heart and remember those compliments and I pray. Those days WILL happen but the best thing we can do is not entertain those thoughts. If for example I’m feeling overweight I don’t stand in front of the mirror and pinch and pull at every “flaw.” I know there are days like that where I simply have to say.. nope, I’m cute but today I can’t look in the mirror. Those days I put on a loose shirt and move on. When there are days that my girl brain finally is coming around and sees beauty that God made, I stand there extra long and agree I am beautiful as He made me. (I store those up for later )
Ladies I'm not trying to point out every little thing you do wrong. Because you are doing SO much right. Working, taking care of your family and your spouse and I swear you all volunteer 30 hours a week. I'm here to remind you that YOU were fearfully and wonderfully made. I struggle with negative thoughts, giving too much, and denying compliments. But when I tweak how I go about a few things, it starts to change my mindset and energy. I want that for you. Extra energy to go finish that Pinterest project? nah.. maybe not. But at least cook dinner and feel worthy of love.
"Words can poison, words can heal. Words start and fight wars, but words make peace. Words lead men to the pinnacles of good and words can plunge men to the depths of evil." So why do we allow our own minds to continually tell us those negative thoughts and deny encouragement? We have control over the thoughts we entertain. We are those strong, capable, passionate women. Let's start accepting it. :)
***Disclaimer. I realize mental health is a serious topic, and to those of you that deal with any of these, I know you cannot just change all thoughts and get over it. I was diagnosed with a short term situational depression 8 years ago, and although I have overcome it, I know It can't all be changed by simply telling yourself a good thought while looking in the mirror. And in no way am I saying it's boiled down to that. I would love to talk more about that, but this particular post just couldn't touch on every part of it. However, I would love to talk to you if you'd like to talk about it.