The Story of Your Weakness is Your Weapon
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Your story of weakness is your weapon.
As humans, none of us will be without hurt, trauma, sadness, and immense pain. There are parts of our story that can feel crippling and honestly it might cripple you for a while emotionally and a lot of times lead to us feeling shame.
In as all group last week, we talked about Shame- it brought me back to what Brene Brown has said about shame. It needs three things to grow in our lives- secrecy, silence and judgement. And shame leads us to believe we’re not capable of change, healing, overcoming- by doing the thing that feeds it (silence, secrecy) it builds it over time leading to more shame. The less we talk about it, the more control it has over us.
what I learned about vulnerability and the courage to show up even when you can’t control the outcome and the moment where I clearly distinctly remember praying out loud - not that divorce and then a bad relationship happened for a reason, but I could use it for good to connect, to share, and be vulnerable and when I’m open when I let it out, shame is released, shame can not live when we are willing to do the work and outwardly tell our stories even through fear and not understanding what will come of sharing those parts of us we tend to want to hide.
I’ve listened to countless women talk about how they feel divorce is worse, it’s a worse sin, it lives with them forever- marking the “divorce box” and it’s a shameful thing that people judge. It’s been a few years since mine, and yes in a way it follows you like any quick change in life (losing someone, marriage, etc) and it is and will always be part of my story of why I’m where I am, the hurt that adjusted my journey and honestly slowed me down because of the affects of sadness and starting over, but it’s not something that covers us- that everyone sees and says.. she’s divorced. No, that’s what we label. And I think of the the verse that says God hates divorce. As I went through it I felt more exposed, I had done something He hated, but the more I talked with mentors, the more I saw God hates divorce because we’re hurting, it destroys something never meant to be broken and tears apart families and hearts. He hates it because it hurts us and Him- not because He wants us to know we’re bad people.
I’ve come to love to run into other divorced people for if no other reason that the following: they understand, they look at you like a person, they put down the judgement of something the world may see as failing, and they help heal your heart by oddly enough joking and just being there. And isn’t that true for so many traumas? The people that went through it help by just seeing YOU. Not the thing you label yourself as?
Women have said to me that they don’t want to be a part of divorce groups, and that’s fine- I never joined one either, but it’s the people that went through similar experiences that understand, that can look at you and feel connection and when others see you rise from a place of anguish and depression may have been before- they respect knowing you’re story.
Your weakness is your weapon (it may not be divorce it may be any other trauma that has affected you, your life, and maybe even the people you love) — IF we are brave enough to do the work of healing (which takes a long time. It’s not linear, it’s constant work, digging deep, and having a new perspective on what it means to be) and when we expose the shame we feel, shame cannot live. By exposing it, we’re doing the very thing where shame lives.
It may not look the same as me talking about it here- no you don’t have to start a podcast to talk about your experiences, or even air it online in any way shape or form if that’s not part of your calling and maybe DON’T air your hurts on fb to hurt someone. But those gut feelings of shame will disappear if we bring light into it. Darkness cannot live when we expose it to light. Talk with mentors, friends, being held accountable after the hurt to seek healing.
I am extremely lucky- as I have worked VERY hard on my heart for healing, growth, forgiveness and taking my part in the in takes two- my ex also did. With extremely healthy boundaries, healing, and still a shared love for Murphy dog- we have talked about forgiving for one another. It took a few years but what I love is with healing I can honestly look back SO thankful for what happened for good in those years, and appreciate who he is. that’s a rare case, as it also takes two to show back up with respect and forgiveness, but even without it from the other end, you can forgive, heal wounds, and go on to help those who are in the place you worked hard to pull out from.
2021 worked on my heart like never before. My heart is softer, and I am constantly being exposed to the things I have yet to continue to work on. (Gently) and like in any relationship- they’re gently brought to light (just by me wanting to be better) So that I continue to be healthy, working on my purpose without the distractions that usually bring especially women down in business- which is the inner work. It has started there- and the more I expose the wounds and heal, the more in grasp my dreams become, because I have the capacity to hold them as I let go of other things in my life that no longer have a place to live.
Don’t you think that the inner voice (that is a friend by the way helping us to steer away from danger) isn’t going to show up when you’re being comfortable? When you’re not working on the hard stuff? When you aren’t exposing the shame you feel to be vulnerable. Inner critic won’t show up when you play it safe. Because quote “shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brene brown and when we’re avoiding the topics are the only ones that can set us free? We’ll hear to keep it quiet but that’s the very thing that feeds shame.
People hearing your story helps them realize they’re not too broken either. Even if we have experienced vastly different trauma and hurt- we love a cinderella story- but we love a I’m not alone story more. One that sits with us instead of trying to gloss over the messy parts. To share the hurt instead of just telling the triumph. It’s the flowers pushing through dirt, the meet me where I am, the I am capable too. The understanding how the triumphs are happening.
There’s not many (though probably a few) things people could say about the mistakes, experiences, and paths I’ve taken that are negative and not things I’ve shared IN time in a healthy way. I share not to just heal myself, though I have to admit it’s a side affect, but it’s because I want you to feel not alone, to feel connection, to know you’re not too broken or more broken, you may feel that way, but it’s me trying to be slightly brave in order for you to know if I’m vulnerable, you’re safe to be vulnerable too- and in doing so- you can do the dang thing to heal and do all the fabulous beautiful things on your heart. Not just aside from pain, but healing through it- and adjusting your path accordingly the way your purpose is meant to play out.
I have done a lot of work lately of prayer. I have sat in my little purple chair after reading and praying I’m in the right place, if I’m meant to be doing what I am, to continue to listen to what I know is the with path, and to fulfill my purpose the way it’s meant to. And the biggest way I have ever connected with Photography clients/women/and in podcast interviews is always being okay with being a little vulnerable first. To allow and grant them permission (although they don’t need it, we all feel we need to be permitted) to allow our hurts show too. I have many downfalls, many many. But I know in my heart that I connect when I show weaknesses/vulnerability/stories I’ve had to change my path from/and things that still have an impact on me emotionally.
It’s the thing that allows other women to rise up, share, feel safe, and start on a path toward their own bravery. I’m not saying this is because of me. Oh no, plenty of things happen daily our lives to encourage us. It’s a seed, simply planting a seed. One more seed that I can be to help encourage it. You can get it by podcasts, people, interactions, conversations, quotes, every which way, but if I can be ONE of those seeds being planted, then I know I’m doing the thing I’m supposed to.
So your weakness - whatever it is. The hurt, pain, expose it. Whether it’s with a mentor/counselor/spouse/friend. When you feel it’s become a scar and no longer a scab- it’s healed over and now just part of what happened in the past- don’t be afraid to share- in the right circumstances, so that you also can be a seed where and when you’re called to be. That part is completely up to you and your purpose. I have no idea where you stand as far as using your path as your purpose- but you have one. The inner critic won’t show up when you’re playing safe- so step out even in fear, unsure, and vulnerability and allow yourself permission to begin healing, begin growing, begin planning seeds in others to do the same.
My weaknesses have been the very thing that that exposes me to reflect on growth. Because when you try, you show when your trust is. My faith has grown this year through realizing all of my shortcomings and letting them go for something bigger. Using them for something bigger even if it’s for one person.
It has pushed aside the noise and allowed me to focus on the purpose. My weaknesses continues to be what catapults me forward in courage and grace for myself. As it pushes-, it’s what I’ve grown stronger from, faith from, healing within, loving bigger for others.
Your weakness is your weapon. You can hide it, never take care of it and it will absolutely keep you from being a warrior with it, making you weak and become only a burden. Or you can take it out, unashamed, take care of it and use it for good with sharpness, and shine.
