Staying Independent: Putting Education & Money Before Emotions

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Reminded of the song with the lyrics i wish that i knew what i know now, when i was younger. Okay, so i’m still pretty young, and oddly enough as i do age, i don’t feel any closer to being an adult like an adult adult i used to have imaged as a kid. Honestly, i think play and being my goofy carefree self is still just as vitally as important now as it was when we allowed that as kids and if you don’t think i don’t dance in wal mart, ride the cart as fast as i can back to the car, and continue to maybe say things i shouldn’t but it’s fine- i’ve accepted who i am and really embraced her- along with the loud singing in the car with spurts of anger. but that’s for another time to talk about my road rage.

i came across some things though that i’m learning and instilling now in my life, but looking back some things i wish i would’ve implemented long ago. Of course its basically hindsight at this point, but as a not married woman in my 30s, there’s definitely some things i could’ve been working towards to set me up for bigger success. I’m not regretting, in fact I'm probably at a point where i’m the most happy i could be and so excited for the future and what’s to come and where i’m at, what i’m doing wouldn’t be possible with some of the things in my life that are no longer.

i’m reminded every time i start dating, the importance of being an independent woman who doesn’t have to rely on someone. And that’s nothing against men, relationships, marriage, or even depending on a partner, in fact when you have someone there is a sense of dependence, but not completely. I had a conversation recently about how important is for both men and women in the relationship to maintain a life- isn’t that one of the things you adored about them anyway? their need for adventure, the life they had before you- the passions, past times, and who they are at their core.

this is exactly what i want to touch on today- the importance of being an independent woman. But slow down, i really do want to make sure this isn’t misinterpreted. This isn’t an ultra feminist, i don’t need no man speech, in fact i love having a partner, and when you can thrive, grow, and push to be better people in it- it’s absolutely beautiful to see you becoming a better person simply by the encouragement of someone who lovingly is by your side, believing in you. I know for me personally, i get my butt to the gym (as we can go together and someone will always be the one wanting to go when the other wants to be lazy) they can keep me accountable simply by asking how my day was and what i did for work. and seeing them being passionate in their work and hobbies inspires me as i listen to their excitement and knowledge.

I think relationships are wonderful, it grows and teaches and pushes and makes us better- i still desire to have that deep loves me, laughs with me, appreciates me and me doing the same back.

But too many times both men and women start little habits for the other that turn into something unhealthy- and it’s hard not to especially at first- you want to skip all the things to spend time together, you want to show that they’re a priority, or maybe someone has wronged them in the past, so you doing a certain thing to help them.. seems like your job but that thing then doesn’t get truly healed. this isn’t a healing podcast per say, but one that keeping an open communication, striving towards your self healthiness, and .. YOU. You shouldn’t lose yourself, just become a better you. so maybe a little bit of a rabbit hole, but the best thing you can do is to absolutely make your partner a priority, but not lose YOU and in fact that YOU should keep building in a healthy relationship.

i’m not just speaking to young young women here, but women of all ages and it’s never too late to make your education (not just college here, i’m saying conferences, online courses, new mentors, fitness, financial knowledge) and money before pure emotions. If you’re married, it still can apply to you, it just may look a little different and still having that of course open communication i mentioned earlier. But if you are single or in a relationship, it’s also time to prioritize you by prioritizing your future. that looks a little like the things i just mentioned and much more.

Learn to put your money and education before your emotions, it’s hard even as a woman in her 30’s who knows better. even after countless prayers and understanding that my heart lies within God’s will and not within a man’s future. but even so, chasing love (and i say chasing because we shouldn’t chase it, we pursue together and not make it the only thing we’re doing) with will you unfocused, and broke God will send you someone who understands you and treats you like a Queen when the time is right, but how many times do we spend months or years with someone who isnt’ right for us, when instead we could be building and investing in ourselves, the relationship that will continue through boyfriends and men.

My heart has changed in the past 10 years, but the desire to love hasn’t. surprisingly-that’s after a lot of self work. After a divorce, then someone who hurt me with actions repeatedly, there’s still an intense part of me that wants to feel seen, to be vulnerable with, to share and grow with-. I’m thankful for the softness that my heart has kept through pain, but it has taught me a lot and luckily as i date- i can continue to work on being a healthy individual and spot that in others along with connection and vulnerability.

It’s hard to do that in the midst of love isn’t it? we think it’s different, we put things on the back burner and they should be a priority but how can we do it in a healthy way that continues our path to progress and growth rather than just putting it on hold?

First, look at it objectively- is this person encouraging your growth, and without them even trying- encouraging YOU to be better by their actions towards their progress too?

second, if it isn’t easy, healthy, open communication, and filled with trust and loyalty- i know i’m on the outside, but spend some time mediating if it’s long term.

How can you put education and money before emotions?

1-if you’re single and kind of dating or in a long term relationship or even married- look at your own actions. If you’ve given up everything you wanted to please the other person, it’s time to step back. I’m not saying end it, i’m saying you can still prioritize your goals too.

2- make time for you. it’s okay to say no especially when just dating when you have something that will further your goal progress and confidently to spend time doing that.

3- be clear about boundaries- whether it’s how many times a week to see one another so you can still work on your goals, or maybe joining one another for some (like the gym, or a time where you both sit and read/listen to podcasts etc) and stick to it.

4- set budgets. budgets might be a whole different topic which i’ve talked about previously on episode ___ but budgets while dating is important too. it’s okay to suggest cheaper options, nights in, free dates if there are financial goals you want to make.

5- money- i mentioned budgets but it’s so much more than that. start to dig into investing, saving, and where you can make the most of the money you’re making- while you’re young is the best time to start saving, so that interest can grow as you get older- smarter decisions with money when you’re young makes a HUGE difference for the future.

6- education- plan on a course whether it’s free or not, conference, mentors, starting a business. whatever that looks like- go out and do it. investing in knowledge is one of the absolute best things you can do and this one isn’t just for you- it’ll benefit your partner someday too.

Doing it before emotions can be tough, we tend to all lose track of some goals when we have that twitter pated feeling for another, the best thing is to read some books and journal i’m going to suggest why men like bitches again because it’s one that will encourage you to be YOU.

If and when someone comes into your life that absolutely is wonderful and just brings joy, comfort, ease, affection, and you both pour into one another emotionally, one of the best things you could have done is to work on yourself to prepare for such another soul. When you do, having healthy boundaries, goals set, education, finances will make those parts of the relationship much healthier and hopefully finding that counter part in someone too that has done the same in thinking of a future significant other.

a quote i read from the book “love, sex, and dating”- Am I the person the person I'm looking for is looking for? so while sometimes we focus on finding the right person, becoming the right person might help you identify the person you desire and in turn you’ll be the person they’re looking for. so like my midwestern in me wants to say… UFFDA. becoming the right person by putting your growth before emotions.

i’m going to leave you with one more quote because we’re human. we have trauma, hurt, things we’re going to be working on healing from and even things we don’t know we need healing and growth from but i came across “she could never go back and make some of the details pretty. all she could do was move toward and make the whole beautiful.” So wherever you are in this, i hope you find encouragement to staying independent while still dependent in a relationship and putting those before emotion to become the person you’re looking for, is looking for.