Shifting assumptions to leading in love
Shifting Assumptions to leading in love
one of the things that came up a couple times is making assumptions- It’s something most of us do a lot, daily if we have allowed that habit into our mindset when we are making even the smallest of decisions….
It’s the story we tell ourselves daily and if we allow that habit into our mindset that in turn change our decisions. and it’s just a reflection of our thoughts. Let’s jump into how we can shift this!
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We always have a little time for a quick encouragement, and while scribbling furiously in my journal lately, one of the things that came up a couple times is making assumptions- It’s something most of us do a lot, daily if we have allowed that habit into our mindset when we are making even the smallest of decisions….
Like.. ordering a couple scoops of ice cream and feeling the need to say “it’s my cheat treat this week! The only one!” Making a large purchase and showcasing the hard work online and feeling the need to follow up with not having anything and saving up for this thing so people don’t think you’re money hungry or selfish. Doing anything for you and relaxing and assuming people are saying that you’re lazy or selfish for not doing more for or with your family.
This can lead to a lot of assumptions that then make us take a different action. Like going to the gym in a new outfit but you assume people will judge you for it, talking about your business but not wanting people to talk about you behind your back how you always share your business so you don’t, or not bringing up something to your significant other that hurt your feelings because you don’t want to seem like you’re nagging so you stop communicating in a healthy way.
What’s interesting about assumptions is we play out these scenarios in our head that either make us tip toe, change our minds, or make us feel insecure even when we know we are taking the right action, and then… the stories we tell ourselves become our truth in our perception.
How many times have you stopped in your tracks because of an assumption, a story you created while playing out the conversation or action and so you didn’t try? This is where discipline and courageousness comes into play. We have to break the ties that our assumptions are TRUTH.
Now some MAY be true, there might be people who talk poorly about you, they might judge you for a crazy outfit, they might even not appreciate you bringing up something that hurt you because it lead to an uncomfortable conversation- BUT it also might bring you courage to someone else watching you, it might break through some tension in a relationship, it might even bring you clients and help you grow personally and in business.
If you want to transform your life, one of the biggest things you can do is start to shift your mindset and start to tell a different story and then.. start to take those actions that seem scary.
Even though I refuse to stay stagnant in my relationships, business, and my personal growth- in no way is this coming from a place of I’m already there, but looking back at the little actions that lead to massive growth- doing the scary thing.. is never as scary as the assumptions we attach it to.
For me in business- I didn’t want to cold call, email, reach out, connect. I thought- people would just find me if I was good enough. And yes, working on SEO and marketing and networking is BIG part of business growth, but I knew if I wasn’t willing to reach out to companies and people I wanted to work with- how would they know I was even interested or that I even existed. I started making myself research small businesses and going in, today it looks like email most the time- because people are very attached to the time they give to strangers walking in the door - but I still cold email and call businesses. And for the no’s I hear- it does’nt’ affect me. This wasn’t always the way- when a client decided to go in a different direction or a business said no to me, it crushed me for a bit. It made me think I wasn’t good enough, that was my shot, I messed it. DONE. But after doing it for a while, I almost see it as a game, it no longer hurts my feelings if I’m not the right fit or budget for a client. I want to attract the people that are right for me, and repel those who aren’t. Now I want to see what percent of yes’s I get and how my approach can be different, most importantly- no’s don’t even mean no’s any more. When I hear a no whether from a client or from a business or company- I know it just means.. not for now. If it’s a collaboration I want to do, I will reach out again, make connections, and continue over a period of time. WIth clients, I can’t tell you how many said no, and then after I wished them well.. quite a few have come back with a.. I do want to hire you.
The assumptions I used to make are no’s mean I’m not good enough, and in reality most no’s you hear as a business owner just means they aren’t ready yet. They might have someone doing that, they aren’t ready to move forward, maybe they’re genuinely overwhelmed and don’t have the capacity for what you’re offering, or maybe you aren’t a good fit and that’s okay too- you’ll find your GREAT fits.
I have found a lot of freedom in not taking the no’s personally. It leaves room the RIGHT yes’s. It leaves room for the projects that we’re both excited about, it leaves room for the clients who are so excited work with ME, and it leaves room to adjust my approach, portfolio, and even my connections. For example, the other day I heard a no for now because they had someone on staff as a photographer- but they immediately started following me and liking my stuff. It’s a company I LOVE and would love to work with, but they’re now just communicating and connecting, they now know I even exist and that I love what they do, and it’s just building relationships, and isn’t that after all.. what networking is? Even if I heard a no, I’m on the building blocks of relationship building
What are some things you’ve been making assumptions about that if you moved forward could’ve changed a trajectory? The funny thing is, we don’t know what those courageous little actions could lead to, but I’ve found out with each small courageous action has lead me to BIG growth. I say that looking back at the 5 years in Florida and 14 years in business, and even though it’s hard, it doesn’t stop me in the hard part of a business owner, but I can say confidently I can lead the growth back to the tiniest of steps, actions, decisions- that in the moment seemed so small and mundane, they turned out to be some of the reasons I now shoot for magazines, have a podcast, and run a business full time. And I mean that whole heartedly. You never know the steps, but always looking back you can connect them, and I can’t encourage you enough that through the assuptions- because there will always be something we can assume- it’s not the truth and even if it is, growth through it and you’ll see yourself grow too.
It takes practice just like any mindset shift when those negative thoughts come up, to recognize them and turn them into telling yourself a different story. I post about my business and I can assume people are sick of seeing it, they don’t like my work maybe they deem it inappropriate and they think it’s all I talk about. But really, it’s not my business what they think if it’s negative. I’m doing what I know is right in the moment, to share my passion and my offer and even if one person is encouraged, moved, or excited about what my offer is, then that’s why I’m doing it. I want people to be so excited about my work or completely turned off by it. It’s how you find people who not only support your business and want to invest or purchase but also share and be an advocate for you! No lukewarm clients, you want on fire excited clients and customers who share and shout how great you are to them!
Now a little shift to assumption in relationships. This one for me was harder, with some not so great experiences in my past, my go to was assuming the worst- it’s something I’ve REALLY worked on in the past 2.5 years and even though I do work at it, being in a relationship with the right person makes a difference, I have shared why some things make me feel certain way and even assume some actions I take negatively- first he listens. He has been such a wonderful consistent man to me and that makes my healing faster and stronger. But assuming in relationships is just as hard. Someone says something, ignores us, forgets a chore or special day and our assumption is they’re mad or they’re doing it purposefully to hurt us. A big mindset shift was to not assume that behind my back something was going on and it takes a while. Consistent talking to myself, telling myself new assumptions that my subconscious would (now) eventually believe as truth. When we tell our subconscious stories, they don’t fight it, they just go to work finding proof either way. So now when I tell myself the assumptions, I have rewired to assume through the consistent experience and not through negative mindsets.
Are there some things we can do to help this assuming and break the ties to these habits?
Absolutely- First take a look around of who you’r surrounding yourself with. Are you around other people who want to strive to be better, talk positively, make positive changes, and strive for healthy relationships?
Second change is to change what you see daily- Most of us that means social media. Who are you following and are there some that maybe you should unfollow? People who after seeing, makes you feel down, negative, not good, or even just not pushing you towards your goals
Third to have much deeper connections with people. The deeper we’re willing to go in conversations and relationships- it’ll help us learn more about ourselves, and also the ins and outs of why we think what we do and how we can move forward.
Fourth is to recognize and practice shifting it. There are some powerful books out there about mindset shifting and so much research done on how we can actually change the way we are wired to think with practice. One thing personally I’m working on is talking about the things I want in a different tense like instead of I want to make x amount, I’m making x amount and I’m capable of doing so. I’m not saying I should work on working out or eating better but instead in present tense that I am eating better and working out and taking my health seriously. I’m also recognizing the bad assumptions and though they won’t all go away and we’ll have those things pop up, the stories in our heads that sometimes lead us down a rabbit hole - I try to turn it into what I’m seeing positively from that thing or think to the past experience of what I know to be factual unlike the assumption story I’m making up in my head that my subconscious will take as truth.
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