You can feel it before it happens. Your eyes welling up, your heart aching. And here come the tears. There are times you have to hold them back, and then get in the car, or your bedroom and let the tears flow. The healing washes over you and although it might seem unproductive it can be some of the moments where you find yourself again. After your makeup has run down your cheeks and you settle down, reach for a book and a journal. It’s more than just venting, it’s therapeutic. It helps you dig deeper into the issue rather than the last straw that caused the break down. You start writing and suddenly grasp the real reason it hurts so much.
That’s why I encourage journaling. Sometimes I feel I can’t take anymore and I start writing and all of the sudden it clicks, it heals, and it restores. I believe in lifting the burden by talking to friends, but there is something to say in the quiet moments. Where you spend most of your time. Just you and your thoughts. Get your thoughts out on paper. Write down why you’ve been struggling, why you are angry, and don’t forget to write down those quotes you swear you’ll remember. Things that you find makes you smile in the midst of the tears. Or in my case, the words that make me without trying go “hm!” out loud. Write them down. Then be still.
I don’t know how to explain it, but after I cry, read, and write down words that lift my heart, I feel like a badass again. Not the kind that is going to scare anyone..I still have mascara all over my face. But the kind that I know I’ll overcome it again, can breathe deeper, and remember the woman I know has been hiding behind the hurt. My heart feels like it’s conquered something and I feel a tiny bit of strength rise up in me.
You are a badass even if you cry, even though it’s a tough season (even if the tough season has been 3 years long.) and even if you cannot always find the strength. Call your best friend, write down your thoughts, wipe away your tears, and continue on.
Girl, you’re still badass.