I'm not special, I just show up

I’m not special- I just show up - and that’s freeing.

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That might sound like I’m lacking with confidence, but I say it with confidence in myself that I will show up, I will do the work and I will continue even when life throws curveballs, even when I hear no, even when I don’t hear back.

When I first contemplated this, it actually really bothered me- because as a believer I think we’re called to have a purpose and a mission and I still believe that.

And If you ask my mom, she’ll say the opposite, which is great to have her on team Shanna - she never once made a remark expression or otherwise that I couldn’t be an entrepreneur full time.

What I mean is, I’m not better nor worse than anyone else, I don’t have more luck, something special I’ve acquired, more talent, looks, muscle, money, or time.

Being an entrepreneur is never easy- it’s years of failing, being told no, not hearing back at all and honestly being terrible in my field, not being found organically and growing slowly online, not having an audience, and unsure how to grow a business and admittedly lots of fits learning new software and programs, tools, and crying too.

But what I do have is this sometimes annoying characteristic of tunnel vision towards what I want and not giving up by showing up.. for YEARS sometime without seeing results.

I also look back often and think of the students I went to college with- I wasn’t favored as a student and distinctly remember both not being very good but being close to the bottom of the favorites in some of my art classes, and as I think about that I get to implement graphic design and of course photography into my life every single day.. the difference is, I show up. I showed up and through failing I’m doing what I’m setting out to do.

I think back to my first photography interview I had in las vegas at a chapel- where they hired me but were reluctant- because of how I dressed. They said I was too eager and over dressed. I wore a purple dress and purple heels. Still outrageous it was almost the thing that didn’t get me hired, but I wasn’t a favorite there either.

I also think back to how I started my website, my business, my networking and I wouldn’t change it now since I seriously learned every single way NOT to do something, how to waste time on things that might not matter, money on gear that didn’t matter, and also what works for me but man.. there would’ve been faster ways! I’m still hearing crickets when I try something new, seeing less than results, but it’s come to the point where I don’t mind! It’s a new way to try something new and see if it works or doesn’t.

What showing up consistently, without ceasing (okay there were definite moments of whining, you can ask some of my closest people) but I continued and it has given me freedom from comparison because I know I’m on the right track. I can look at photographer’s in my area with extreme admiration for their style, how they run a business, and who they are with great faith how I’m doing it is not right for me. (However, I’m still always learning, tweaking improving, trying and implementing new things into business weekly.) but I don’t spend time viewing others work and comparing or changing 180 because of how they conduct business online.

It also has diminished imposter syndrome to a tiny amount (at least in my photography business- it will rear it’s ugly head often in other parts of business) because I have continued to work on my craft, my business, myself and I know that I’m not special per say, but I show up doing exactly what I’m called to do. I couldn’t even tell you how many photographs it took to get good at my craft but there is a quote that says your first 10,000 photographs are your worst. And I’ve taken millions- not joking. And I’d say the first million are pretty terrible. But where I am now is not because of luck but showing up every single day.

And in a way, isn’t that what faith is? It’s the guts to do something about what I say I believe and doing what I say I will even wen I can’t see the outcome, even though the path has never been clear, even though I’m not sure where it’ll take me- I show up, I do the work, and my faith in it has never wavered my belief that this is the right path for me.

I get to daily encourage others, love and show what I see through my camera, and so much more but I get to be and surround people with kindness. I have said I wanted a photography business for a few decades and even though me moving to five different states took me a bit longer to establish it as a full time income, I continued to how up and do what I say I believed even though I had NO idea the path. Especially moving to a state alone where I had zero connections, friends (okay okay I had a few a couple hours away) but I didn’t know how I would even begin a business alone again but I jumped in full of faith and did what I had to do while building it.

During my daily walks and listening to podcasts, It sparks ideas, it makes me think about all aspects of life and business and all in between and although I’m eternally grateful for where I am, it’s honestly fun to reflect on all the things that seemingly didn’t work out for how I thought they should and what it taught me. I think about my story, and because of it how I can use it to encourage other women in my life. It also has allowed me to be open to new ventures like this podcast, it still feels extremely new territory for me and maybe not what I expected to be doing 5 years ago.

Unfortunately none of us are immune from the immense pain, trauma, set backs, heart breaks, and turns in our life. And no this isn’t a everything happens for a reason because if you’ve listened before I really hate that saying. But I do believe once we start healing and moving forward we can use the suffering as a lesson, growth, something that made us reflect or hold loved ones more tightly, maybe it helped us see our path differently and made us push towards our goals because of the sudden twinge that we’re mortals even when we feel like we have our whole lives prior to that moment or situation that set us back.

Life is never ever as we expect it, but it can still be absolutely beautiful if we show up, and show up in confidence, and we build confidence by making promises to ourselves and then following through.

I’ve learned my strengths (and hope to grow them over time with wisdom and understanding and trying new things) but I’m not special in the sense that, you can do it too. Yes there’s going to be things that get in our way, and moments we realize we failed or it didn’t work, or honestly just sucky things happen and we have to take a step back and just heal- but what I’ve learned even from those times is it’s part of my story and what makes me more approachable, relatable, and understanding towards other people, it grows my heart in strength and immense softness If I let it. I have days where I do rest, I’m not here to try to get you to hustle every day of your life without ceasing, but if you’ve made promises to yourself, if you know what you’re supposed to be doing and continually aren’t doing it- you’re not only procrastinating but you’re having an arrogant assumption that God owes you another opportunity to do what you had time to do in the first place. So yeah I have lazy days, I dont’ accomplish all I waned, but I show up the next day, knowing in my short years I have that I want to do all I can to encourage you women, show you- you can do it too- and help you realize what you are capable of and it doesn’t make me special- I’m simply showing up.

So how are you going to show up today? How are you going to build confidence in yourself by keeping the promises- we’re either unintentionally uncomfortable with a life handed to us because we didn’t keep the promises in business/working out/building our life or you’re intentionally uncomfortable by building a life you promised yourself.