We're Called to Be Gold

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I sat down for my daily devotional and book reading- which I always say if I’m working on my body by working out that I need to be working on my mind and heart just as much per week. And I have been so grateful for 2021- I know for so many it was tough- the toughest, but not to seem like I’m bragging- it finally was year of peace for me after years of trials, hurt, turmoil and pain. Don’t get me wrong, each previous year has always brought blessings I’m thankful for- but I so often said out loud in 2021 that I’ve never felt so at peace- my heart felt overfilled with joy and healing- love and It gave me a perspective that I’ve never experienced before.

So in this book- the first chapter was about trusting God’s timing and also one of the enemy’s most deadly traps- offenses. Whether we just cover the hurt/offense with saying it’s okay and not actually dealing with the offense by being prideful, or we feel we are deserving of holding a grudge/bitterness/anger because of someone’s else’s behavior and it’s our response to it- it’s a trap that can literally paralyze us from our purpose/vision/and growth.

The first thing to recognize is forgiveness of self and others, which stands important to be unblinded to our purpose and self-truth and I’ve talked about that before- so head back to other episodes of forgiveness and why it’s so important. But that’s a first step.

But what I really want touch on today is a new perspective after the offense is done- after the healing is underway and the bitterness and anger and hurt is just a distant memory.

The book The Bait of Satan already has me hooked with barely cracking it open, but it’s the kind that I’m scribbling notes furiously as I read- wanting to absorb the analogies and new ways to think about the things we all go through.

He says We are called to be as pure as gold, and only when gold is liquified (which is compared to our trials) that’s when the impurities show up and only then can be melted and forced out. When the gold hardened, we cannot see the impurities, almost as if we don’t think they’re there- but through the toughest times, it’s when those sins and impurities show- and it’s the time to rid of them.

Now for myself, the first thing I think is- during some of my toughest times, I’ve had anger and. Bitterness- which is normal. It’s normal to have reactions and emotions to situations we’ve been wronged, but it’s truly how we handle those emotions that show our character.

My mistakes were shown clearly to me in times where I was uneasy

How do we get rid of these offenses?

1- accessing our reactions to said offenses and recognizing if it was an offense by someone else’s behavior or just that we THINK it was.

2- understand that it does not give us permission to hold anger and bitterness forever just because someone else hurt us- two wrongs don’t make a right.

3- forgiveness- we’re back to that. And I’m not asking on day one- don’t just say you’re forgiving. It’s okay to be hurt, to feel sad, upset, that you were wronged- but then work on true forgiveness so that you can whole heartedly say you wish the best for that person (and often times it doesn’t mean continuing a relationship with them. It’s setting healthy boundaries after you’re outside of the situation.) this leads to us talking about them badly less or not at all would be ideal, and

4-forgiving yourself- this is a whole different forgiveness for most of us- we tend to forgive others more easily than forgiving and feeling at peace with our own decisions and behavior.

5- without forgiveness we can’t see what underlying issues are- it stops us from healing further, moving forward and seeing the bigger picture or other impurities as we haven’t forced out the offense.

All of those are much easier said than done. In fact, often times when a real hurt has entered my life it takes a while for it to heal completely- to feel like I’m through it and can share it.

But what I now can look back on the past years and see in hindsight that

1- the trials usually only got bigger when I didn’t set boundaries/end the relationship sooner/feel like I deserved to be angry

2- through the healing process, my character was shown again and again and the best thing we can grow from is seeing who we are in those inevitible situations and hopefully be more wise in the future.

3- after the process seems done, I realize there’s an underlying issue within myself I wasn’t aware of

For example: I stayed in a very toxic unhealthy relationship for far too long with someone who didn’t have a good character and cheated.. often. The underlying issue was within myself (don’t hear me wrong, the things he did was NOT my fault by any means, but me staying when I knew it wasn’t of God or for me- was my fault and that’s okay. I’ve become much more quick to determine healthy relationships before feeling like I was in it too deep.)

Im that instance, the issue within myself was setting boundaries/putting my identity and hope in a man that I allowed become more of my life than my own with God/ and not wanting to seemingly fail in yet another relationship.

The same things kept happening again and again and knew it wasn’t right, it wasn’t the right path for me- I wasn’t sleeping, I gained weight, I was anxious and ultimately so unhappy but I kept myself it in because of things within my own heart I had to deal with. So I really feel God kept putting those in my path so I knew it wasn’t right- even if it took me too many times to realize it. In fact, I’d pray (this happened twice) that He would show me if I was being cheated on and within 24 hours of each of those prayers..I’d hear from women that he had been with. Incredible to me.

This isn’t to talk about how I’ve been wronged. I can honestly say I have zero feelings, investment, or care about this person and also zero hurt or anger. It was part of my life that I knew was wrong.. for too long and the lesson that will never take me that long again.

It is to say, until those other things were addressed, I couldn’t address the underlying issues within myself. And even during if I was angry or anxious or maybe just obnoxious to the people around me because they had to listen to me complain- I can say my character showed. I didn’t get back, I didn’t seek to hurt, or slam it all over Facebook with names. I simply was done and the impurities in my heart could then be forced out.

And boy were they. I spent the next few months praying and wondering, searching and listening, reading and figuring out those parts of me that were still healing and discovering all those things I felt should be refined like gold- so when my heart was ready for a relationship, so that my body was ready for what was next, so that my mind and heart could prepare for business and friendships, the impurities caused by that offense were pushed out.

Nah, I’ve still got impurities that need to be refined- character flaws I continue to grow in, and honestly, the more I heal and work on, the more I feel I’m refining all the things I couldn’t see even more- but after looking back at those offenses that happened- it’s a wonderful feeling that I have zero feelings towards it. That those things no longer block my success in business, personal life, and relationships.

In case you’re curious- I did go on a few dates, some I ended when I could feel it wasn’t right, and then I went on a few dates with a man I immediately was in awe with. Almost to the point where even now I can’t believe it’s real. And I wouldn’t have been ready to be a woman he was searching for- if I hadn’t done the work on refining first- just as he had been doing. We didn’t rush- in fact we didn’t talk more than a few sentences the first couple months- I truly believe now looking back- there was just a few more things that needed to be forced out before spending that time together and i’m so thankful.

They (whoever they is) always says that you’ll find someone when you can say you’re okay by yourself. That was a prayer that I cried in- I felt like I had been told to wait, and if I could wait patiently, I was going to be given someone that was wonderful.

I looked back on my notes and thought for a second- did I just go on a tangent? But no- it was a big part of me for a long time that truly needed to be refined- and it wasn’t until I truly allowed it- did it happen.

We all are going to experiences offenses in our lives- it’s an imperfect world and whether it’s intentional or not- we will have someone deeply hurt us. The only we can control is our reaction and response to it- are we willing to set boundaries/get healthy possibly let that relationship go and then work on our hearts or are we going to have to experience it again and again, not willing to work on our own issues and continually only add those impurities to the gold that we are instead of refining it in that fire?

We are called to be gold, refined in the fire full of potential beauty to share.