the answer to your question is to turn inward.

love yourself

Today i got the question: what are some good books to read for a woman who has been deeply hurt by multiple men? My immediate answer is to work on you (not just books about men), and find books and activities that cultivate joy in your life. The only thing you can do in those situations is strengthen your confidence, realize your value, work on your weaknesses, and learn how to better communicate and articulate your needs and wants all while still serving your future partner. Many women (and men too) have been in such damaging relationships it leaves us feeling a yearning for someone that “fit us” that are our “soul mate” and how a man will see the value in us in the future. While it’s true, we do need a man who’s going to have our best interest at heart the only thing you can control is your growth and value in yourself. Women have this incredible (and sometimes scary accurate) intuition and the more we work on ourselves the more we become connected to.. well.. bullshit in others. Being as i have dealt with some crap too, the best thing i did was forgive.. like truly forgive and want the best for that person and really continue to see the things in myself that need work to be a better woman. I’m not putting all the action on the woman that we MAKE a better man, i’m saying we should make ourselves the best, let go of the hurt (i know i know.. that sucks when we want them to see us as something they lost.. but that’s such a selfish way of thinking. time to forgive so you can be happy and want them to be too.) and do the work to know ourselves in and out so when the man comes along that captures our heart, we can see through issues and even have a better relationship from the get go, and also not bring up hurts from another relationship; those are ours to deal with, not our future partner’s.

It’s true and i’ve believed it for years and seen it for myself that men actually do hear our complaints about HOW to love us but unless it’s a marriage.. cause i still believe to FIGHT for it until it can’t be saved.. the best thing is to leave it. All of those things we want him to do, i’ve seen them turnaround and do it for someone else. Honestly i’m thankful i can say i’m happy i had some kind of affect with no resentment towards the past. Basically they hear it, but unless they want it to work and they feel the same, no amount of teeth pulling, whining, crying, and desiring is going to shape him up unless he wants to be in relationship- with- you shape. It’s easy to point and blame others but looking inward is the real win here. Iinner growth hurts and i think that’s why a lot of people don’t do it.

So not to complete disregard the first question. So what are some good books? i’ll always suggest Captivating by Stasi Eldredge, it’s an amazing start to healing our feminine hearts, opening up to be vulnerable and seeing value in the woman you are. A more recent read is Don’t Forget your Crown by Derrick Jaxn, a male’s perspective on toxic and healthy relationships and just a great little book that brought tears to my eyes i have a dozen more but those are some great ones to start with. But i am encouraging you to sit down with an open heart, and start to journal as you breathe in the words.

“Without self-love, no love matters. It can be poured into, but still broken.”- Derrick Jaxn

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-Keep Shining

Shanna Star