Do you ever have one those times where you feel like you finally see the growth in yourself that you were after? This whole week, I can finally see the fruits of my labor of healing past hurt.
I’m not here to ever call someone out or EVER say I don’t have imperfections, just that if you are self-reflecting often, and learning not just who you are but WHY you are, you can stand face to face with a huge trial and know your character is at peace. It’s been one of the most rewarding feelings as of late.
Without detail, not to be vague, but to be kind to people… I had a huge hurt recognized that someone did. It was and is extremely painful and I want to touch on it just to share something I needed personally in my life, and that was to feel at peace with myself. The last couple years have been trying to say the least. A friend of mine even said “I have to believe you have such good things coming with all that’s happened.” And as much as I don’t want to ever have a hardened heart, I’m not sure anymore. However even with the left and right swings at my strong soul, starting to break me down, I worked diligently on self-love, reflection, and who I am the ugliness and good.. working on it all. When this thing happened, I did get upset, and we have the right to get hurt and upset when something awful happens. We also have the right to set future boundaries and guard our hearts. But after just 2 days, I realized that forgiveness is what was needed on my end, even if the other party felt it was undeserving. I believe in our most unlovable times, it’s when we need love the most, however like I said boundaries have to be set, and actions have to be taken immediately. I used the saying “hurt people, hurt people” but today I read and.. “healed people heal people.” And I can say without a doubt I am a healed (but always working on it ) woman knows to the depths of her heart that it’s at peace. I like who I saw in the mirror and through that, I saw strength as a woman in myself I hadn’t before.
The only thing about forgiving quickly and helping in return is guarding your heart,.. “for it’s the wellspring of life.” Sometimes forgiveness also means things have to look different than they did. And that’s okay.
My hope is that you don’t read this as bragging or blaming other people but that when you’re at your lowest, depression, anxiety and somehow you keep getting thrown trials, you can at the end of the day know you’re a healing person and out to make the world a little better, at peace with your character when no one is watching. As I re-read Captivating for the unknown amount of times, the words of how a woman is strong but in a uniquely feminine way pops out at me. A little blurb about women…”inviting, vulnerable, tender, embodies mercy. Fierce and fiercely devoted, strong minded and a strong heart, the crescendo, astonishing work of God.” A beautiful reminder, and more and I more I see how being tender and vulnerable kind and forgiving is much stronger than the opposing behavior.
I’m encouraging you once again to dig deep so you can feel your character becoming one of loyalty, honor, goodness, and full of peace.
**I want to add in the saying everything happens for a reason. As a Christian, I firmly DON’T believe in that. I believe we can turn past trials into something good, but I don’t believe we were destined and given by God some extreme pain. Instead I know people are imperfect and we get hurt. But we can use it to show love.