Life, it never goes as planned. And as someone who tried to have it all planned out, I’m still learning to accept the changes in my life. I was feeling particularly overwhelmed the last few weeks. Feeling I can’t just catch a break, and feeling heart sink deeper. I felt so stressed I wasn’t doing the things that normally help me, so I made time for it. I went to the beach and read and cried. (not saying I always cry, but let’s be honest.. it helps sometimes)
As always old faithful, my favorite book Captivating refreshed my heart, it was a tiny bit of refreshing but needed. I came across a quote from C.S. Lewis. “If there is a real woman, even the trace of one still there inside the grumbling, it can be brought back to life again. If there’s one wee spark under all those ashes, we’ll blow it til the whole pile is red and clear.” I knew she was in there somewhere. Beneath the hurting heart, and exhausted soul. I knew who I was still existed but I had put her on hold throughout my hurts. And maybe like the winter is a time of quiet and deadening to old things, I am the same. A time where I’ve remained hidden and dying of old hurts so that when Spring comes and I pray it comes soon is a time where I come alive again. To lift others up and see only good. I know that woman is in there, she needs only to come alive again. I’m working on it, daily and diligently. Venting out the old, reading and journaling, working on me but as I don’t see much progress day in and out, I’ve become slower and grew more tired. I will keep going, but at a pace where I can keep the stress and tears at bay until Spring comes again.