Reflecting on the last four years of podcasting

Reflecting on the last four years of podcasting

I can't believe it. This month marks 4 years since I started this Podcast, and as much as it's remained a place of encouragement and growth- the biggest changes have been with me!

Life has shifted so much since January of 2020 and as I’m an avid podcast listener too- this is going to be more life updates and how I’ve implemented the things I’ve talked your ear off about the last 4 years.

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A lot has changed since I first started this podcast and although I’ve been hesitant to share more about what’s been happening- although I’ve definitely dropped little nuggets of what’s new- 2024 means I am a bride this year and getting married to the most lovely man. Only hesitant because thinking to remain evergreen with my episodes because years from now this episode will no longer be current when I mention THIS YEAR I”M A BRIDE.

Life has shifted so much since January of 2020 and as I’m an avid podcast listener too- this is going to be more life updates and how I’ve implemented the things I’ve talked your ear off about the last 4 years.

First, I started this year a little different- leaning on different aspects of goals and what I would like to accomplish. I have the numbers goals, the career goals, the growth I want and some things like travel, savings, but two I’m leaning into is believing in what I want to manifest and intentional time with friends and growing those friendships.

I sat down and thought of a number that corresponded with what I want to make in the year, and it’s doable. A big stretch, but doable. And then I started manifesting a number by the weekend. And something incredible happened, the things I desired, and put out there, I started getting tested in.

I wasn’t specific enough in HOW I wanted the money to come to me, but when I said I wanted a certain dollar amount to come- I started receiving gifts. And funny enough- the book I’m re-reading- get rich lucky bitch- talks just about this very thing. That we often disregard the things that might come to us as gifts- so if we’re not specific in HOW we receive the money- we could be receiving what we asked for in a different way. I have incredible people and women around me, and that next week- a friend offered to take me to the spa as a thank you gift. And right here is usually when I’d say no both because of the money being offered and the time I’d convince myself I couldn’t take off from being on front of the computer. But this is what I said I wanted, and when I say that.. I fully believe these things start coming to you first in smaller ways to test you to see if what you SAY you want, you really do want. So I said yes- one because this friend is an absolutely incredible woman, friend, confidant, and so thoughtful and encouraging, but also because it was showing the universe that I did indeed want to manifest gifts and also that intentional time with women.

The book I’ve been re-reading talks about not disregarding those things. So I sat down and starting writing how I felt I was getting gifts that would otherwise cost money so in a way- it’s receiving of the money that I wanted to be manifesting. The first two weeks came a pouring of vendors that are helping with the wedding (which isn’t money in my pocket but I’t’s money being saved from going out of my pocket) a class to try to free in a workout class I wanted, and then I did something I didn’t realize. I felt unworthy- so very quickly. And I put it out there without me realizing that I closed off- I didn’t feel like I should be receiving those gifts. And then they stopped being offered.

I sat again with my book and journal and thought about why all the sudden had this pouring stopped.. and knew it was me. I was stopping it by already feeling unworthy and there knew that I had to shift once again that I did indeed want this. And later that day, had another gift offered that would help me save money for the wedding.

Now these aren’t $20,000 gifts - some larger than others but they help me. They help me emotionally, clear my head, grow my relationships, and they’re the trickling in of the very thing I boldly stated I wanted.

I’m not saying ask for 50,000 dollars and tomorrow you’ll have it- I mean I hope you do!- but what I’m saying is it takes a lot of diligent head and heart work to be open to the things we say we want. Because often as a woman, when I start getting gifts or offers- I immediately associate with guilt of not deserving it- still at age 36, through all the highs and lows, through all the books, mentors, therapy, and I still have to check myself daily. I’m also making sure you don’t disregard the small “tests” as I like to call it. The gift card you get for picking up a friend from the airport, the $5 off win at your local store, and adding up the gifts of people, time, conversation, and things surrounding you we over look very quickly.

Before I met Matt- I wanted to have those girlfriends I could rely on- but the problem is, I also didn’t feel worthy of stepping out from my computer. I absolutely had a scarcity mindset in business that if I step away- I’m losing money. But I watched this Matt work hard during the day and then live life fully filled with things he loves doing. I wasn’t good at that- but I’m working on it slowly. I want those friendships that fill my cup, and I know how important it is for me to honestly remain a sane person- but it’s easy to make up excuses why I can’t or shouldn’t. I started the year going to a tea, going to new workouts with a friend, meeting up with a few friends, going to the spa with one of the most amazing women, and now throwing a valentine’s party for some women I love and saying yes to a girls trip that I’m still working on not feeling guilty for.

So although so much has changed, this feels like such a pivotal year. I’m getting married, got another dog, re-reading books instead of new ones to reflect on what I’ve learned, and what sticking points I have, new (to me) car,

When I started January of 2020, I started because I knew I wanted to reach women, have conversations with women, grow and share. The idea came to me as I sat in a hotel room on a photography business trip in Oklahoma. I started because I knew as I was healing from a divorce, then a really toxic relationship, starting over and feeling alone- I knew those feelings wouldn’t last but I wanted to share the story with you.

I’ve been maybe a little too careful not to share too much- as I never wanted to reveal what I was still healing. I know I’ve talked about what I feel comfortable talking about when it comes to wounds was this tidbit I learned- when it’s a scar and no longer a scab- I can share. When the healing is there but can reflect back and know what happened- I can be open.

I’m really looking forward to the goals I set this year- not just routed in numbers but in growth in relationships, filling my cup, adventures, and love between girlfriends that I so desire.

January 2020, I was quitting one full time job, about to start a part time to replace it until I could go full time and rely on my photography business. I was in a bad relationship that left me anxious, constantly on edge and good thing— almost over at this point, I was still looking for more friends that were deep and meaningful (I had a few but wasn’t investing a lot yet in them) and just starting a podcast. This was a few years after I just had moved alone to Florida and started my life over- living with friends and people who would take me in for a few months until I found a home. (Which I did January 2018)

January 2024 Matt and I have been together 3 years, we’re building, growing together and he’s the biggest encourager of me making time for the things and people I love. And if I don’t talk my mom for a few days.. he’s asking why or when I will. We have a house that is a home, another pup added to the mix, and working on our wedding that will take place this year. I’m a full time photographer and part time podcaster, and although it’s never perfect and I always want to continue growing both in business and our relationship- It’s one of the reasons I set goals.. I’m looking back at the changes, the belief systems, the mind set shifts, the leaps of faith in business, the things that didn’t work so I know more that will. I also have healed some of the relationships and learned which ones can’t always me mended.

I hope this encourages you more than anything. That the goals you set aren’t silly, or in vain, or irrelevant- they help guide you to the next steps you can’t even fathom or see yet. It might not be where you end up, but it will be part of the process to the next year.

All I could do in those moments as I think back is rely on people who loved me, set goals and work on them diligently, and have faith that it will and can get better- but it’s okay to sit in that place where it sucks and just know.. it sucks for a while.

Never would I have thought I’d be with this wonderful man on the path I’m on now.. and it’s honestly so fun to reflect on the decisions we each had to make to end up where we are. It’s part of why I fully still go with my instinct along with logic- It leads me to what’s right.

I’m a bride this year, and never in January of 2020 could I have imagined. I flipped back to the front of the current journal I’m writing in. And the first entry says you will see true growth only when you take action- to develop your voice… and most people are going to experience great struggles at the bottom of the canyon- and use it as a sign they are in the wrong place- that if we were right- it would just fall into place.

Reflecting back- It still just stinks in the thick of the struggling times. In the relationship, the unknowing, the building part of a business, not seeing the next step. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the wrong place- for me- it was part of my story- hopefully to help women around me.

As a 36 year old bride- I can tell you, things are very different for what’s important for our wedding. And as a photographer witnessing and attending over 2000 weddings- it’s put into perspective very easily for me. There will be traditional aspects, but of course as true Shanna and Matt fashion- there will be hints of us together in all of it. Things to make it special both for us as a couple that we can share in moments, and for those traveling to see us, to celebrate with us.

How much can change in 4 years? Depending on circumstances sometimes.. sure- but it can also be used as a stepping stone for your story, for your pivoting, for your growth, and your goals to be bigger and more than you could have thought those years ago.