I haven’t written a personal blog post in depth since early this year. Whenever i sat down to try, something didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel genuine and i didn’t ever want to put something out there that wasn’t how i actually felt. A few weeks ago, i finally had a breakthrough. I’ve been battling some things in my mind for a few months and finally feel myself becoming me again. (i wasn’t reading, i didn’t have motivation, i was grumpy, and my workouts felt like a huge struggle)
A few weeks ago i finally had a day that i felt my happiness again. (I have felt happy since January, don’t get me wrong. but something felt.. off) i sat outside with my puppies on the porch, cracked open my new book and felt that joy again that had been missing.
I’m telling you this because.. it takes time. those bad moments, weeks, thoughts. i shared on instagram a few photos of me that were rather showy. But i felt like women should hear it. so i’m going to share it again because it was a big part of the battle in my mind.
I have cellulite. And tons of stretch marks. Especially on my booty and armpits from muscle growth. The middle Is me without flexing or posing. But when posting a picture we always wanna show our best angles or flex. But I wanna show you what it looks like relaxed.
I was diagnosed with situational depression while in college and I still have days where those thoughts linger in my brain. So I too have to remind myself that I'm beautiful how I am. Other days are tougher than others. But those stretch marks are from 3 years of hard work. And my thicker body is helping me lift heavy weight. I have days where I compare to gorgeous women around me but I also have moments where I compare to where I was. Who I was. How Ive grown. And I'm so proud of that. So take some time to look in the mirror and tell yourself the positive things. And those negative things you think aren't normal- every woman Has them. Rolls. Cellulite. Stretch marks. And that voice that says it's not good enough. How to overcome it? Prayer. Journal. Positivity. And women who love you. And sometimes a day where you accomplish nothing. It's okay. These aren’t to show off my body. Because as a woman i can still see the things I think are flaws. I see a cyst in my armpit, stomach fat, and someone who struggles to lose weight for a competition. But i finally can say again that i love myself anyway. it just takes time.
There’s a lot going on in my life, and i never want to hide that from you all, but i needed to get through it to figure it out. It was a time where i felt down. i was emotional, unhappy, and i could tell i wasn’t my joyful self. I know so many of us go through this, and it feels like we’re alone.. and a little crazy, but you're not and you're not alone. If you have the chance to open up with close friends, you’ll find they all struggle too. unfortunately some of these moments just have to be fought through .Not all. some will need meds and maybe a counselor. and there’s absolutely nothing shameful about that. but a few things we can do are listed above. We can pray and journal and read. We can tell ourselves only positive thoughts, and we can surround ourselves with other women (or men for you men) who care about us. But sometimes.. we need to do nothing. to feel those emotions and just be. and that’s okay. sometimes those days are rest for our bodies when we need it most.
it took me over a month to feel good about myself. (i realize a month isn’t very long to feel this way, but i couldn’t understand why so the slump felt like months) to feel that joy in little things. to look in the mirror and say i am beautiful how i am. because i’m strong and my body can do incredible things. Why am i sharing this? Because i want to share my ups and my downs. my joys and my struggles. because as much as i'd love to always post that i'm doing perfectly.. it's not the truth. we all struggle. we all need people, and to know that we're not alone.
I have incredible people in my life who constantly encourage me. reach out to me. and though they know my faults… they love me. So if you’re going through a tough time, reach out a few people who trust. don’t carry that burden alone. and keep pushing through because it just takes consistency.. and time. And don't forget to forgive yourself. Give yourself time to grow, practicing loving yourself and forgive.